Thomas Snelling lost his nan to cancer, and shared his advice on how to cope with death and the want to ‘turn back time’, when someone passes.
Luckily, I had never experienced the pain of losing someone until I was in my 20s. Being older helped, but there is no doubt, loosing someone is hard.
My nan was diagnosed with cancer of the bone marrow. At first I was shocked but something in the back of my mind said she would be fine and the treatment would cure her. She went for quite some time with it and so that thought in the back of my mind remained.
Now that I look back, I wish I didn’t have that thought. I could of visited nan more often and spent more time with her but when we did visit it was evident how thin she was getting with each visit. The last time we visited, nan was so thin, it was like looking at bone. It wasn’t nice to see.
The next time I would see nan would be in the hospital. My aunt called and said we should visit, so the next day we went to the hospital. When we arrived, she didn’t recognise us and the drugs had her completely out of it. That was hard. To not be able to talk to her, and to see her in her body, but not there in her mind was an awful feeling. My family was around her and we spent time sat there hoping. As time went nothing changed, we went for a break and that was it. Nan had passed. We walked back to her ward to see her in the bed. I’ve seen my dad cry twice now, and to see him in that state made things that much harder. My family were crying, some had to leave, and some were in shock. I was one of those. My mum arrived 10 minutes later, and meeting her at the reception we had to tell her that nan had gone.
I decided to see nan in her coffin before she was cremated because I didn’t want to remember her as she was in the hospital. I have never looked at a dead body, it sends chills down your back and leaves a strange feeling in the air. I spoke to her and lay a card on her chest, knowing she would read it.
I carried nan’s coffin into the church and we said our goodbyes.
Losing someone cannot be prepared for, but maybe it can. By spending as much time as we can with the people we love, and using what time we have to enjoy their company. As I cry writing this, I wish I could see her again but do not look at the past.
Think of the future and remember they are always watching. Make them proud. Do what they would of wanted you to do.